By the Fire
by imjustadreamer
Summary: PG-13 to be safe, probably only PG. An autobiographical story of my life with him, from the Kids to A Nightmare on Elm Street. He was always my best friend, my brother, my protector and guidance. I always loved him and always will. Reposted, a lot got cut


Title: By the Fire  
Rating: PG-13 to be on the safe side but generally PG  
Genre: Romance/General  
Summary:

_An autobiographical story of my life with him, from the Kids to A Nightmare on Elm Street. He was always my best friend, my brother, my protector and guidance. I always loved him and always will._

The storyline is just some recollections of 'mine' about my life with a certain person, and is just a bit of romanticism that was waiting to escape my mind. I have been daydreaming what it would be like to know him, to have been there with him through the years, and this is how I have written some of it up. All there is left to say is that I hope you enjoy reading for I have enjoyed writing it a lot. :D If this gets removed then I shall not be happy but I don't really use this place that much since the banning of the 'you' fics so it isn't to too much consequence.

**By the Fire**

We sat by the fire that night, watching it flickering, eating the logs and letting trails of soft grey smoke weave around like fingers, the scent of the pine cones making an interesting aroma rather than the usual scent of wood burning.

That night was not the first night we had sat like this, we had done this many times over the years we had known one another, but it was only that night that my heart felt so heavy, the fact that I knew that this wasn't going to last, not with him.

I'd loved the boy now man from the day I saw him, his dark eyes and dark hair and those prominent cheekbones. I didn't love him then like I do now. Then I saw him as cute and maybe a little bit goofy, he was different from everyone else and he didn't care. We became friends during his last year of school, I was a year younger and I felt so cool to be able to stand with him, he dressed in his faded denim jeans and t-shirts humming a tune by KISS and me just standing there with my brown hair in pig-tails, wide eyes watching my protector and idol.

At break he'd put his arm round my shoulders and tell me how he would get out of this dump, he didn't want to be here, he wanted to make something of himself, be a rock star. Every time he said it I would laugh and tell him that yeh, one day he would stand in front of huge audiences with his guitar, playing riffs to screaming fans and swooning women. He would smile and say that's not what he wanted, he just loved his music.

I was there when he started mucking around, trying to form a band. I watched him as he played in the garage with the other guys, standing there in his scruffy clothes listening to nothing but the sounds that he was making as he pulled string after string producing glorious chords. Songs would come together right from the top of his head as he would close his eyes and get lost in the music, he seemed so peaceful then.

The years went by and I still stood with him, watching every move he made and loving him more every day. He loved me, I knew he did, I was like a younger sister and he said he would never let any harm come to me. Back then I didn't care, I was happy just being his friend, I was the one he would confide in, he didn't give a damn if my ears were too young or innocent for his words, he knew I was mature beyond my age and he believed me when I told him I cared and wanted everything for him to be right.

I was there when he left school, completely dropped out at the age of sixteen. He said he couldn't stand it anymore, that they didn't do anything for him and in the end all they ever expected of him was to end up dead on the sidewalk or in jail. I knew he wouldn't be like that, yeh I knew about all his dealings with drugs and all the things he'd done but despite all of that he was a good person, someone who just needed to love and be loved.

I remember a night, not unlike the last, where we were sitting by a fire, an open one we'd started up in my back yard. I remember exactly what he said to me and I remember for so many years afterwards thinking it over.

"China," He said to me, using my nickname he'd given me due to my doll-like bright eyes and porcelain skin. "China, I'm going to LA, I'm going to LA and I'm going to make it big." I smiled as he looked up to the night sky, the stars shining and twinkling in the patches of space that weren't blocked by the clouds of Florida. He had that wistful expression I had seen on his face many times before, when he was at high school peering out to the freedom away from the building, when he was at home and his parents argued, again looking to the horizon. "I'm going to be a rock star China, I'm going to play my guitar until people scream." He said chuckling and lay down to rest his head on the lawn.

"I know you are." I'd whispered, looking to the same sky he seemed to be finding so much interest in. "And I'm coming with you." He laughed then; as though he were amused by the fact that I would follow him on his journey, stay with him whilst he made his dreams come true.

'Don't be silly.' He'd said, his eyes now dancing with mirth as he looked at me pouting but a foot away. "You can't come with me, you like school, you should stay here, you're not going to be a screw up."

"No, and neither are you. I want to come with you, I can not be a screw up in LA with you."

"LA's big China, too big for you. It's big and rough and you'll get hurt."

"Not if I'm with you." I'd said, my lower lip now quivering at the thought that he would leave me behind in Miramar whilst he went to LA to be the cool rock musician I knew he could be. He sat up then, his eyes now dark and serious, the light from the fire flickering over his visage to cause shadows to dance across his skin.

"But you can't be with me all the time, I can't protect you all the time." He'd said quietly scooting closer to me and placing his brotherly arm around my shoulders.

"So you're just going to leave me here to rot." I'd replied bitterly, trying to shrug away his comforting touch because with it there I couldn't be angry with him.

"No, I'm going to leave you here and you can come see me and all but you're going to make something of yourself here, you're going to be a writer, you're going to get your grades you're going to be a fucking world famous novelist but if you come with me to LA then you're just another drop-out like me, trying to make it in a harsh city. It'll be easier for you here, you know it will."

"I don't want the easy life, I just want to have fun, to hang out with you like we are tonight, I don't want it all to end and have you leave me here. We might lose touch and I'll never see you and then what'll happen, you'll be off making the big bucks and I'll be here still working in the flipping grocery store, writing sad stories about not taking the right chances in life and having your best friend leave you. I'll write an autobiography and you'll read it one day and you'll say hey, yeh, I remember that geeky girl, lived in Florida near me before I became a big shot."

He laughed then and at that very point in time I wanted to leave because I couldn't stand to have him think I was pathetic. I looked up to him, he was my role model, my best friend, he was everything I held dear in my life. He wasn't laughing at me though and when he pulled me back to him as I tried to get up and didn't let go though I writhed in his arms I knew that he cared and he wasn't leaving me here because he didn't. It was not that I would get in his way or stop him from reaching his dreams; it was because he loved me.

"You're a silly girl you do know that don't you." He whispered as I finally ceased my struggling. I shrugged and he laughed quietly, I could sense the smile on his lips and couldn't help but let one come to my own. He rested his chin on my shoulder, one arm encircled around my waist protectively, another arm going to point to the horizon, beyond the fence, beyond Miramar, beyond Florida all the way to LA. "I'm only going to be over there." He'd said, and I'd felt tears come to my eyes as I knew that 'over there' was still many miles away. "And you know what I'm going to do, I'm going to go out there, get things sorted, and once they are I'm coming back to get you."

"And I can stay with you there for good?" I said hopefully, turning my head so that I could look at his expression. He smiled, just faintly, but he did smile.

"We'll see." Was the only response he gave me before kissing me on the cheek and getting up to stomp the fire out. I sat there for a moment as his feet trod down the embers, his worn Doc Martins ever present and getting more used and weary by the minute. "Come on, it's getting late."

"It's 2am, it is late." I said laughing as I got up. My parents had gone out to some place or another so he'd come to stay with me to get away from his own home. It had been so nice having him there, he always looked after me and made sure that I was doing what I should be but he wasn't so restrictive about it. He'd still let me have fun and we'd still go and muck about in the park, meeting up with Sal and just hanging about on the swings. I watched as he'd roll his own cigarette and it had been him who'd allowed me my first taste. That night I can remember clearly too.

We were at the park with Sal and some other guys and I had been sitting near the swings, watching him roll the tobacco into the paper. I watched him as he'd lit it up and placed it to his lips, totally enthralled as he breathed the smoke in and then let it out through his nostrils. He'd seen me watching him and chuckled, holding the cigarette out for me to take. Cautiously I'd taken it, looking at the burning end and then to him for reassurance. He'd smiled, his eyes twinkling. I'd placed the end to my lips, not taking my eyes from him and copied his motions. I sucked in the smoke quickly, too quickly and in half a second I was choking, my free hand coming to my neck as my eyes watered and throat stung.

"Like it?" He'd laughed as he took the cigarette back off of me and placed it to his own lips. I'd shaken my head through the coughing, now completely dumfounded by why he submitted himself to that. He rubbed my back gently as I regained my breath and hushed Sal who was in fits of laughter. "You're not doing it right, you took it back way too quickly." He'd said, looking to me asking if I wanted to try again. Not one to leave in the face of a challenge, especially not one set by him; I'd taken the cigarette from him yet again. "Do it more slowly this time." He'd advised and as I took another drag on the smoke I followed his instructions. I let the smoke out of my mouth and saw him smiling proudly at me, glad that he could teach me so well. "Now what do you think?" He'd asked, waiting for me to say something.

"It's…" I started, trying to find the right words. "I don't know why you do it." I'd said bluntly, seriously wondering why anyone would smoke when it didn't seem to affect you one iota. He'd laughed then and just taken another drag. He didn't give me a reason, just shrugged and returned to the swing where he'd been sitting as I had sat on the tarmac.

He'd given me that choice that evening, he let me do what I wanted but watched over me every step of the way. He would be my guardian and confident for the time before he did indeed go to LA without me and we were the closest couple in the whole of Florida, but never in the romantic sense. He was like my brother, he watched out for me and protected me and advised me with anything I wanted to ask him about.

Another lesson he helped me learn was the consequences of alcohol, and that is a story that has made me blush many days since it occurred. Yet again we'd been sitting with Sal and the guys in the park but this time they had brought cans of beer and a paper bagged bottle of something a lot stronger that I don't recall the name of. We'd been laughing and chatting and he had been talking about the upcoming gigs he was going to be doing with the Kids and ever more I grew in awe of him. He'd been drinking the cans of beer and had turned to the bottle of whatever it was and I watched as he grinned after gulping some down. With that kind of happy expression on his face I knew I wasn't about to miss out on the fun so I'd asked for the bottle which he'd instantly passed over.

The first taste was awful, it burned the back of my throat but to see him sitting there watching me and grinning I couldn't show that I was weak by passing it back. After recovering myself quickly I'd drunk more and they'd all watched me for a moment then. I knew they all expected me to choke up or something but this time I wasn't prepared to give in. Not long after I was feeling woozy, my vision swaying from side to side, everyone's laughter sounding evil, even his which to me had always seemed melodic. He'd taken the bottle from me and when I stood up to protest his hand had been there to steady me as I swayed on the spot, trying to make out his true face amongst the many others that seemed to be there. Laughing quietly he'd taken me home, walking with his arm around my waist guiding me in the direction of my house which I had forgotten the whereabouts of.

He'd helped me to sneak in through the back door and led me upstairs to my room, careful not to wake my parents and smothering my mouth gently with his hand as I started to giggle. He'd got me my pyjamas and turned away as I fumbled to change into them, the delights of a comforting bed sounding incredibly appealing to my dizzy, inebriated mind. The next thing I'd done though was something that shocked me even at the time and something he'd laughed with me about for many years to come. Even in my drunken state I can recall my moves to precise points, I can recall his reaction and the way his eyes danced. I'd managed to get into my pyjamas and told him I was decent and he had turned to me, pulling away the covers of my bed and helping me to sit down on the mattress. I'd smiled, a big wide smile and he'd chuckled, my expression undoubtedly comical.

"You're a strange thing China." He'd muttered, pulling the covers up over my legs and sitting on the edge of the bed next to me as I leant against the headrest.

"Well so are you!" I'd giggled, my voice much louder than I'd thought and his eyes had danced as he placed a finger to his lips to shush me. I smiled again, looking at him sitting there, that devil I had always known was inside him only showing in his eyes as the moonlight came in through my window and reflected in them. He'd leant to kiss me then, upon my forehead as he'd done many times in the past but this time I didn't let him. This time I put my hand to his cheek and let my lips brush against his. He'd held his hand over mine, not letting me let go of him and I kissed him again, no longer fearing the repercussions. I kissed him softly and he let me, his fingers softly stroking the back of my hand against his face. This was admittedly my first kiss, he knew that, and it was as if he were letting me practice. At the time I didn't know why I was doing it, I knew I loved him but I'd never even thought of him like that. At that moment though there seemed to be nothing but his lips and touch and I didn't even need to think about it. Nothing about it was anything more than soft and gentle, it was a moment of pure love and bliss and one that in the future I would look back on with tears in my eyes. After a moment he pulled away and smiled and even as I tried to get close to him again he didn't push me away.

"It's ok China, just stop now." He'd whispered, his gaze never leaving my face. I looked at him then and realised exactly what I'd just done and slowly the blush had reached my cheeks and made me feel red hot with embarrassment. My eyes went wide whilst his expression remained warm though a small smile tugged at those lips I'd just kissed.

"I… I… we don't do this." I'd stuttered out, pulling my hand away from his cheek where it had been resting and placing it in my lap.

"No, but don't worry." He'd said smiling. I looked to him and knew it didn't matter, nothing had changed and we were still best friends. After a moment of thought gathering silence he leant and kissed me on the forehead gently whispering goodnight and sweet dreams. He'd left silently and I'd watched him go, my eyes slowly shutting and I succumbed to sleep.

The issue was brought up again but only ever between us both, never in front of anyone else, and always in a playful manner. We would joke about and if he did something I didn't approve of he'd put his hands up as if to fend me off, pleading with me not to pounce on him and suck his face off. I knew he was only messing, he never did anything to hurt me and that night was never talked about seriously for many years.

Another significant time I remember is when he moved out of the place where he lived with his mum and moved into the back of the old 1967 Impala with Sal. I remember climbing in the back with them as they lounged about amongst the empty beer cans and it was the same old fun times as we had at the park. We would chat and laugh and he would talk about the Kids and we would discuss where they were going to play and what new songs they were going to do. He'd have the Sex Pistols blasting out of the tape player and we'd sing along as he'd play his guitar. We'd sit and eat the subs from the store and laugh at the comical expressions of the people who worked there when they noticed some missing. It was fun and a great laugh and it was only the thing he hated that drew it to an end for me.

I was at college doing English and media studies and in the end my parents decided that the lifestyle I was leading with him and Sal and the other guys was not appropriate. He came by sometimes as I remained at home, he'd tell me of the fun he was having playing gigs at the rock n roll clubs and how he had to sneak in coz he was underage. Every time I would wish I could go with him and he'd tell me I should, that it wasn't as fun knowing I was stuck at home doing stupid essays. I defended my essays but I knew I would still rather be there in the crowds watching him play his heart out, listening to the Kids unique style of music that he helped them to form. When he'd come over he would play bits of songs he was planning on doing and I would clap and cheer and pretend that I was at one of the clubs.

After too many weeks of being left behind though I decided I'd had enough, I'd snuck out of the house and got the bus to where they were playing. I got there dressed to kill because I knew I'd have to do something drastic if the bouncers were going to let me in without checking for ID so when he set eyes on me with my bust falling out of my top whilst in the middle of playing a song I heard him hit the wrong chord and looked up to see his wide eyes. I danced along with the music and cheered and whistled and after the first set was up and he had to leave he came from the stage and straight over to me, ignoring the drinks being offered.

"What are you doing here?" he'd asked, a question that I had quite obviously anticipated.

"I was bored!" I shouted to him as the noise in the club was overpowering. As he'd tried to shout to me I couldn't hear and we could see the bouncers heading in our direction so we had dashed out back. Finally with the much more faded sounds of the music we were able to talk and he stood there grinning like a fool. "What are you grinning about?" I'd asked, folding my arms across my chest and inadvertently accentuating said features.

"You're no china-doll tonight." He'd laughed looking my outfit over with eyes brimming with mirth.

"Well I had to get in somehow." I'd explained, hugging my top closer around me, now feeling the chill of the cool night away from the heat of all the bodies crammed into the club. "I have to see you play properly at least once." He'd passed me his jacket which he had abandoned whilst on stage and I eagerly snuggled into it.

"So what do you think?"

I smiled, knowing that my opinion was one that really meant something to him. He'd asked me in the past what I thought of his music and I'd always been ready to compliment or criticise. "It was…" I started, pausing to make him wait just that little bit longer. "Fantastic!" He grinned then, that cute lop sided grin that I loved so much especially when his hair flopped down in front of his face. "The Kids will tour the world." I added and he responded by chuckling lightly and enveloping me in a tight hug.

"You're just flattering me now." He said as he kissed the top of my head and I grinned.

"No, I didn't say anything about you, I said it was great, the Kids were great, you were crap." I said and was then treated to him playfully tugging my hair.

"China, that's not nice." He'd said, his mouth now pulled to complete seriousness though I could see his eyes were still playful.

"I'm sorry, but you really shouldn't be playing guitar, you're not talented." I shrugged, goading him a little more.

"And you China should not be a writer, instead… in that outfit… you should be a porn star." He said, that look of absolute seriousness still etched across his face. I laughed, unable to withhold the pretence any longer.

"And if you can pull a look like that then you should be an actor!" I'd exclaimed, playfully punching him and not realising the truth to the statement. He got the bus with me and walked me home after that, we sat on my front porch for a while just chatting and listening to the sounds of Miramar, the dullest town in the whole of Florida. "You're not going to forget me are you when you're a world famous rock star?" I'd asked as I leant my head on his shoulder. I felt his body tremble with laughter and I lifted my head to see why it was.

"As if I could! You're going to be tagging along and surprising me at gigs in your skimpy outfits!" he'd chuckled. I stuck my tongue out at him, knowing that indeed the mini skirt and tiny top were pretty revealing and very different to the jeans and t-shirts he'd seen me in up until now.

"I mean it. You're not going to forget about me and this place, you're not going to forget about this night or any of the others we've shared?" I asked, tears now forming in my eyes. I saw that night how far he could go, I saw how he could make it, I saw what he could be and I was scared. I was scared that he would leave me and never think twice about my being stuck in Florida whilst he sucked up all the limelight. He stopped laughing then and looked at me, looking deep into my eyes before giving me his answer.

"I'll never forget you China, never in a million years. I've never cared for anything the way I've cared for you and I'll never stop caring for you." He whispered, his arm hugging me even closer to him. I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder again, looking out across the front yard, across the street to the houses opposite. We sat there silently for a few minutes until he scooted backwards on the porch to lean against the wall. I lay down to the side of him and rested my head in his lap, looking at him as he gazed out to the horizon, an earring dangling from his lobe, his hair flopping into his eyes. He looked down at me and saw me looking at him and smiled, I loved it when he smiled and that night was one of the warmest ones I had ever seen.

"I love you." I said, not even thinking before the words left my mouth. His expression didn't change at all, he just looked at me.

"Love you too." He said after a few moments and leant his head down to kiss me on the forehead affectionately. I smiled and we just stayed there. I listened to him tell me of a beautiful girl he'd seen that night, that he wanted to talk to her and jokingly reprimanded me for making him miss his chance. I apologised but he hushed me, telling me he was just playing and that he would see her again. He said her name was Lori and that she was the most beautiful woman he had set eyes upon, other than me of course he had laughed. After a while I started to drift off, the sound of his voice telling me about that special girl soothing me into a peaceful slumber. I don't know how but I awoke in bed in the morning, he must have carried me oh so quietly and gently because I was not the heaviest of sleepers.

Over the next few weeks we didn't see each other very much, I was really involved in college and he was doing everything with the band. They were causing a sensation across Florida and my parents were ever more cautious of my being with him, even when he started dating Lori. They said he was bad news and that if I hung out with him too much I would just end up washed out or knocked up. They were harsh, way too harsh, he wasn't anything like that but they'd never really taken the time to know him. They tried to keep us apart as much as they could but occasionally we would meet up and hang out, just chatting and having a laugh. I met Lori and she was as beautiful as he described her. I envied her, not because of their intimate relationship but because she could be with him all the time, whenever she wanted to without anyone telling her she had to keep away.

Time went by and he and Lori were engaged, my parents couldn't stop me from going to their wedding. I don't remember that day too clearly even though I thought I would. I remember seeing him that morning, dressed in a formal suit looking so different from how I'd ever seen him before. He was smiling nervously and he gave me the biggest hug in the world.

"Today's a pretty big day huh?" I said enveloped in his arms.

"Yeh, I'm glad you're here." He'd replied, not letting go.

"As if I'd miss it! I'm so happy for you, you've found the love of your life."

"Oh I found her ages ago, a geeky girl with pigtails." He said chuckling, kissing me lightly on the forehead. I smiled and stood there as he held me, feeling completely at home and at peace. A few moments later we pulled apart and I looked to see his grinning face, there was something in his eyes that I will always remember to this day. I knew he had loved me before, he'd said he had and I'd never doubted it, but to see it pure and clear in his eyes was beautiful. There was pure adoration and all I could do was hope that he could see the same feeling coming from me to him. "Better get going then." He'd said and we'd walked out and taken our places for the ceremony. All I remember is watching him and Lori, their hands clasped, both smiling like they'd never known true happiness until that day. I thought it would last forever and I think they thought it would too.

They went to LA and started looking for a record contract and I stayed in Florida, continuing with my studies and beginning to write my stories. My inspiration was always him, after talking on the phone with him I'd always have a mad writing session and keep going for chapters and chapters. I would recall the fun times we had together and looked forward to the ones to come when I was to be visiting him and Lori in LA. He was playing with the Kids and they were doing really well and I was so happy for him. I felt lonely by myself but I knew I would see him soon and that everything would be fine.

It took a long time for me to visit though, commitments to family, education and career mounting on top of each other stopping me from going. He often tried to come to Florida but with everything that was happening he couldn't make it. It wasn't until 1985 and his divorce from Lori that I managed to get to LA. We'd spoken on the phone many times, had hours and hours of conversations. He confided in me and told me everything that was happening but in the end I was still so many miles away. Eventually I had to leave Florida, I couldn't leave him out there going through all of this and I couldn't stand not being able to talk to him face to face.

I got to LA and went to the little apartment he had been staying in with Lori which she had now moved out of. I stayed there with him sleeping on the couch although that didn't happen very often as we spent many hours talking. He told me how he knew that he and Lori had rushed into everything, he told me he probably knew back then when they got married but only in the deepest parts of his mind. He told me how they'd separated and gone their different ways and that at the moment he was at a slight loss of what to do. Two weeks I spent in LA with him and they weren't long enough.

In those two weeks I saw him for everything he had always been and I had missed for all this time. I saw the man he had become and he seemed to realise the woman that I was. It was that last night when we sat together next to the fire, the pine cones burning. I was to be leaving the next morning and all I wanted to do was look at him, just so that I could remember everything there was to him.

We sat watching the flames flicker and we looked at one another for what seemed like eternity. No words were spoken for a long while, we just kept looking at one another. I played over in my mind the memories of everything we had been through together and I could see he was doing the same.

"Do you remember when we sat by the fire before." He voiced, his gaze flickering to the hearth.

"Which time?" I chuckled, countless memories of such events flooding my mind.

"In your back yard, we sat by the fire and I said I was going to come to LA and be a rock star."

I smiled in remembrance, thinking back to that very night. "Yeh, I remember, and you said you would come and get me from Florida."

"Yeh."

"You didn't, I had to make my own way here."

"China, I couldn't come and get you, you know I couldn't." he began but I put my finger to my lips and hushed him.

"I know, I'm only playing. Do you remember when I went to see you play at that rock n roll club…"

"And you were dressed in just about nothing…"

"Yeh, and I said the Kids would tour the world."

"Funny you should say that but there's something else that comes to mind from that night."

I furrowed my brow trying to recall exactly everything that was said.

"You said I should be an actor."

"Oh yeh!" I laughed, not realising the statement that he was about to make or the changes it would make to our lives.

"Well… I'm going to be an actor." He said quietly, his eyes scanning my visage searching for my response.

"You're… you're what?" I asked, this was a complete shock, I knew he had become friends with an actor, a guy named Nicholas Cage but I never knew that he had been thinking about taking up the career himself.

"I'm going to be an actor. Nick, he got me an audition in a film, I went to it and I got the part." He said, a small smile pulling at his lips. I stared at him, trying to let the information infiltrate my mind and maybe make some sense of it. "It sounds good, the pay's great, it should be cool. I get eaten by a bed though." He said shrugging. My body convulsed with laughter at his melancholy tone as he said that he would be eaten by a bed.

"You're what?! What's the film called, Attack of the Furniture?!" I laughed, clutching my side as the laughter ran through me. He laughed too, his eyes twinkling in the way only his could.

"A Nightmare on Elm Street, it's about this psycho guy that visits people in their dreams and kills them and when they wake up… well, they don't."

"Oh man! That sounds… weird! But even weirder… man, you're going to be on the big screen!" He laughed again, his smile never fading and his eyes never ceasing to dance.

"Yeh, instead of being a rock musician I'm going to be out there doing movies."

"You're not going to give up on your music though are you?" I asked, suddenly fearing that he would leave behind what he was so talented at doing.

"Never!" he exclaimed and proceeded to get up and get his guitar. He came and sat down next to me and strummed a few chords, checking the sound of the guitar before beginning to play a tune. There were no words to the music just the gentle sound of the notes dancing together forming a beautiful melody I shall remember to this day. No lyrics needed to be written to accompany the song because I already knew what it was about. The song was about us, our times together, our love for one another and the friendship that would be there forever. I watched as his fingers skilfully strummed each string, moving along the neck of the guitar playing the beautiful melody. I sighed as I watched him, his eyes darted from the guitar to mine and he smiled. He knew what I knew; he knew everything there was to know about me, about us.

A sharp reality hit me that moment, one that I have never ever been able to forget. I fell in love with him right then; fell deeper than I'd fallen before. I loved him as a brother and as a friend for many years in the past but now I loved him as a man. Now he sat there so close to me and all I wanted to do was have him hold me in his arms. He had looked down to the guitar again but as he looked to me I took a sharp breath and he stopped playing.

"Are you ok?" he asked, putting the guitar on the floor away from us. I nodded, just looking at him. "Why are you frowning?" he added and I realised that my brow was indeed furrowed. I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't think of anything to say, thoughts were rushing through my mind at the speed of light and none of them seemed to be coming in a form that would make sense if spoken. There was only one thing that seemed to stand out, and it was that one thing I blurted before thinking.

"Do you remember the night we kissed?" I asked quickly, inwardly kicking myself as soon as I had said it. He frowned slightly but instantly the look was turned to that of a warm smile.

"I do." He replied simply and looked to me imploring me to continue.

"I… I do too." I said and heard him chuckle as I quickly looked away from him to the fire.

"You were drunk, for the first time in your life." He laughed and I looked to him, the uneasiness subsiding a little as everything seemed normal.

"And that was your fault!" I said, pointing an accusing finger at him.

"I didn't force you, you took the bottle!" he grinned.

"Yeh, but you didn't have to give it to me!"

"As if I could stand up to you China, if I had you might have sucked my face off anyway!" I smiled then and looked at my hands, knowing how much I wanted to relive that moment, just once. I was leaving the next day, I needed him, I loved him, I wanted to be with him. I had had many kisses since that first but none could ever amount to it, not when they weren't with him, someone who loved me wholly and unconditionally and didn't want anything from me but my friendship. It took me a moment before I could say anything but when I did I knew it had to be done, I couldn't leave him like this when my heart was pounding so fast.

"I'm not drunk now." I whispered, looking him directly in the eyes meaningfully. His brow furrowed slightly as he understood the meaning behind my words. I didn't know what to do then, I'd said it now and there was no going back, I could make a joke and pretend I was just being playful but I knew he would see right through me, he could see through my façade and he could see me clearly now, he could see what I desired.

"You're not." He said, his voice low and husky, barely audible. I shook my head and looked at him, neither one of us moved and it felt as though we weren't even breathing. He was so close to me, just sitting inches away but I knew I had to be closer than this and he could see it too. He didn't object when I moved towards him, he said nothing as his hand reached out to touch my cheek, his eyes never leaving my face for a second. "You're different now." He whispered and we were so close I could feel his breath upon my cheek.

"I am?" I croaked out, suddenly nervous like I was that night so many years ago.

"Yeh, I can't explain it but… whatever it is… I love it… I love you." He said, his fingers now caressing my face. I whimpered at his words, tears trying to break free from my eyes. I leant in and I kissed him then, softly upon the lips. There was nothing else for it; there was nothing for me to say, so I kissed him. I didn't know what he was going to do, how he was going to react but I needed to kiss him. As our lips met I felt that same rush, that same tingle along my spine I had felt before. I kissed him and he let me, just as before, and as he pulled away he said the same words. "It's ok China, just stop now." I bit my lip and the tears ran down my cheek. He shook his head as though I didn't understand him, as though what he had said meant something else.

"I'm sorry." I muttered, no longer able to look at him but averting my attention to the fire.

"Don't be." He said and before I knew it he had stood up and was offering his hand to help me do the same. I looked at him with utter confusion, I didn't understand what he was saying, was he going to lead me out of his apartment, chuck me out because I had kissed him? That didn't sound like him, that wasn't something he would do but still I couldn't make sense of the situation. I took his hand and let him pull me up and to my surprise he let my hand go and placed his hands upon my waist, pulling me into him. "I love you, you know that don't you." He said, bringing one hand up to brush the tears from my cheeks. "I've loved you since forever and I always will."

I choked on a sob as he looked so deeply into my eyes, his own filled with sadness. "I know… I love you too." I whispered and was glad to see a slight smile turn up the corners of his lips. It was the next movement that took me by surprise, but it was that which made me realise what he had meant. In a short moment his lips were against mine, his hands on my waist bringing me close to his body. Our lips worked together, kissing one another as though this was our only chance. His lips hot against mine and his hands stroking my sides made every part of me shudder, I felt like I had reached paradise and that I could never fall from it whilst his arms were around me. I entwined my fingers in his hair and let the kiss reach further depths as I allowed his tongue to find my own, his hands gripping me against him more firmly so that I could feel every part of his front even with his and my clothing.

Eternity seemed to pass and I only realised that I was even on earth when I collided with the arm of the sofa. We came to an abrupt halt in motion but we didn't stop kissing for a little while afterwards. As we did he looked at me, his eyes dark with an emotion I had never seen in him directed at me. I could see a struggle in his mind and I knew what it was for it was exactly what was going on in my own. I wanted this to reach further levels; I wanted him to have me wholly and truly and wanted that now. I couldn't help the thought that this could be too far though, we had been best friends for so many years and I didn't know what this would mean. We couldn't have a relationship when he was to be staying in LA and I was to be going back to Florida, it could never work, too many things were going on in our lives. He stroked my cheek gently, kissing me softly on the lips. When I looked in his eyes again I could see he had reached a decision and I knew it was the right one.

"We can't…" he whispered, confirming the result that I had thought he'd come to. I shook my head, knowing that it was true and for the best, however much I wanted him now it couldn't last and would just lead to hurt. I sighed and closed my eyes, leaning forwards to rest my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me, his fingers playing with my hair and we stayed like that, just finding peace in one another's presence. Eventually I lifted my head and we looked at one another not uttering a word. I stroked his cheek, tracing lines with my fingertips along his jaw, and over his lips. He kissed my fingertips softly and then replaced them with my own lips as he kissed me gently again.

Everything seemed to slow down as I found myself being gently pushed onto the couch. We broke apart as I lay down on the cushions as he crawled over my body. He cupped my face in his hand and kissed me again, softly and gently. Nothing led from that, we just lay there kissing, basking in the warmth of it all, the feeling of our body's so close to one another, a complete feeling of intimacy and love surrounding us. After a while we just lay there, I turned to my side so that he could nestle next to me on the couch, his arms wrapped around me. We lay there for hours, watching the fire as it slowly died, we were still lying there together when the suns first morning rays hit us. We did not speak at all, we just listened to the sounds of one another. Our hands were clasped together across my stomach and his fingers entwined with my own, playfully and affectionately. Hours passed, the phone rang, we ignored it all. There was nothing but us for now and if I were to be leaving that very day then we were to make the most of it.

I must have drifted off to sleep at some point for when I awoke he wasn't beside me. I sat up quickly, scanning the room for any sign of him but was gladly greeted by noises in the kitchen. I got up and stretched out, the sleep having been one of the most restful ones I'd ever experienced. I knew it was because I was safe in his arms, and he had kept me feeling protected and loved.

Walking into the kitchen he was standing there watching the microwave, waiting for the eggs to scramble. I stood in the doorway watching him and jumped as the toaster popped. He turned to me with a grin on his face, the same grin I had seen the very first day I had met him.

"Breakfasts up!" he said cheerfully and proceeded to butter and cut the toast, placing it on two plates and adding the scrambled eggs. We sat down at the small kitchen table and ate, not really saying anything. After breakfast I showered and packed my things, ready for the journey back to Miramar. Putting my bags by the door he was standing casually leaning against the wall.

"Aren't you going to help me?" I said jokily, knowing that I didn't have much luggage and that I didn't need his help at all. He moved away from the wall and walked towards me smiling. He stood before me and cupped my face in his hands, looking intently into my eyes.

"You'll do fine on your own." He said and I knew the double meaning to it. I knew he meant I'd do fine back in Florida without him. I nodded, determined not to cry although the lump in my throat was overwhelming. He kissed me lightly on the forehead, an action I had grown to associate with him and his goodbyes. I hung my head and closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his torso. He nuzzled his chin on my head and I could feel his jaw move as he smiled. After a moment we pulled apart, picking up my bags with promises that I'd call as soon as I made it home. We said our goodbyes and he waited with me outside for the cab to pull up. He kissed me on the forehead once more and helped me put my little luggage into the boot. After that I got in, I shut the door and I waved as he did the same as the cab drove away.

That was my last night with him by the fire, and one I shall remember forever.

**A/N:** Oks, if you don't like that story then no matter coz as much as this shall sound up myself I love it enough for everyone. I've just read through it all checking for mistakes and I have to admit I am this close to tears. I wish I could have lived that but in my imagination I now feel as though I have. I don't know Johnny, I don't know whether much of that was really factual and most of it was just based on my own little daydreams. I may have got some facts wrong, I wasn't sure when he went to LA but I have been reading the biography and trying to get everything in order. I don't know Johnny at all, I wish I did, so I don't know if the way I interpreted his actions are true to what he would do. I don't know if that is what he's really like but I hope that it is. Thank you for reading this, I hope you enjoyed it and I would appreciate any reviews. Now I think I shall go and daydream… sighs dreamily


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